Understand.

I'm hard to live with
by myself.
Constant torment
inside these walls.
One side is hot like hell,
the other side chill like death.
There's a person in the middle
whom I can't tell.
It's a split long ago.
Something to endure,
not knowing what.
The ship will sink,
nobody can hear the screams.
The horror of a brain
turned outside in.
Can't bear others' help.
They're making it worse.
Not understanding
the enemy is me.

Thankful.

I'm a woman of subtle grievance.
It doesn't hurt my body none
but the spirit is dragging.
"Why me?" I ask, "to see all the shits?"
And be unhappy like I'm the one and only.
Well, well, maybe the reason's obvious
but the courage is lacking or
it's the little things like timing.
Someday I may decide
there are memories worth having,
and pain & joy are one and the same.

Time-released.

Have you taken a pill
that's hard to swallow.
It's bitter & hard,
and takes time to dissolve?
No sugar can chase it down.
No water can speed its way.
Then it lodges in your gut
and there, it is to stay.
Maybe I didn't choose
what comes my way;
didn't have a clue
until it gives away.
It's not in a hurry.
It knows more than I.
Time-released wisdom,
must you be such a drag?

Infantile.

I'm so infantile.
I don't know right from wrong,
can't tell need from want,
but it's great for a song,
cost you more for a dance.
"Oh, ain't that cute?"
While I make a big poo-poo.

Boys will always be boys.
Girls are women from age 5.
Maybe I'm in denial,
guess I still give a fork
to think there's more to learn
beyond the ground of kindergarten.
Where's my mommy and daddy!

Colors.

I used to let outside colors mingle with mine
results in something I can't quite describe.
It's a blending of the world inside
that from outside may seem mad.
I could walk in air,
live on a patch of dirt
and be content.
The peace shattered,
it wasn't meant to last.
As if I need to prove that
I'm worthy of that kinda love.
And if I know it, remember it,
and want it enough.
What's easy has become so hard.
The real test is coming back to the start.