The hateful voice of my mom.
The self-loathing of my dad.
A narcissist of a grandpa.
The insanity of grandma.
Where is the love?
My love was not enough.
A child of family dysfunctions.
I left to find myself again.
You're you & me, I,
full of wonders & now understand.
I will love myself again.

Love again.

There's a beast yanking at its chains.
I didn't understand what it's saying.
"Love again. You must love again."
This morning, I suddenly understand.
The dead air in my head &
the desperation in my so-called life,
"Live again, you must begin again.
Without love, you were deprived."


I'm hard to live with
by myself.
Constant torment
inside these walls.
One side is hot like hell,
the other side chill like death.
There's a person in the middle
whom I can't tell.
It's a split long ago.
Something to endure,
not knowing what.
The ship will sink,
nobody can hear the screams.
The horror of a brain
turned outside in.
Can't bear others' help.
They're making it worse.
Not understanding
the enemy is me.


I'm a woman of subtle grievance.
It doesn't hurt my body none
but the spirit is dragging.
"Why me?" I ask, "to see all the shits?"
And be unhappy like I'm the one and only.
Well, well, maybe the reason's obvious
but the courage is lacking or
it's the little things like timing.
Someday I may decide
there are memories worth having,
and pain & joy are one and the same.