Author: hotsurf

Like to travel, read, play cello etc.

Bitch self.

My self is a slippery bitch
wants to hide in the mud.
I try to lure it out.
It tells me to go to hell.
So I went and stayed
till it ran out of masks.
I sigh & ask, "What now?"
Self says, "Don't look at me for help."
So I wrangle the bitch out,
make it sit while I draw.
It doesn't like it one bit,
but it's high time to live.
I don't know where we split,
maybe since the first period.
The self no longer fit,
so it went escapist.
Gee, I wonder what we could've been.
Probably happily in oblivion.
But then I'd be bored.
So I guest it worked out best.

Afterdeath.

Woke up this morning with no pain.
A stranger stares back in reflection.
Something in my head says,
"You can have it."

I think I know what that means.
Feeling grounded for once,
Looking at my body, "hmm, not bad."
Maybe, there's life after death.
Maybe I will take my time,
or just switch black with white.
A seed with the magic trick,
with time, and you can have it.

Simple.

Warring with the self gives the moment
with the body & these legs.
They want to get up & live,
but the soul says it's rather tired.

Masturbate while the company's away.
Cry at night at someone's random act.
Simply just more dark with the same light.

Boringly profound while no one's around.
Poison-filled though the blood's still warm.
Do no harm, always too late, too little.
It's not a world that's ever been simple.

Easy.

I got tired easy
when it's sunny outside.
All I sense are chaos,
it keeps blowing my mind.
Many nights that I cry,
do not ask me why,
don't tell me it's just life.
There's chaos in my head
that gets me longing for death.

I got high easy
when it's dark outside.
When it rains & moody,
then I come alive.
The contrasts are dull
like the dreams I forget.
When I ponder the silhouettes,
and everything is quiet.

I got hurt easy,
and there's no way back.
I laughed at your scars,
and you see mine just fine.
This modern life,
how's your ado?
Can't look you in the eyes
unless I have nothing to lose.

I got forgotten easy,
another plastic face.
The Earth wants to claim me,
I feel the time's hold.
Never knew how to fight,
so I just stood still.
Now I know it doesn't matter,
nobody ever grows old.

Unborn.

There's a place called the Mother's Womb.
It nurtures a seed till it's swept away.
Don't look twice inside this digged grave,
so much echos of the cosmos' rage.

A fruit rotting in the all-giving tree
landed in dirt and made it a gift.
Don't be fooled or you'll lose the vein.
There's no tale about the unborn babe.

Spell-breaker.

I'm a spell-breaker,
a free-er of souls.
I smudge the line for a bridge,
and I don't care where you'd go.

I'm a spell-finder,
a scavenger of Void.
I search for signs of life
that's your last breath.

I'm a spell-weaver
one that has no hole.
The sufferings that I collected
will need a garden to grow.

I'm a spell-binder,
an eater of the world.
Anything I see I shall own
each & every where I go.

Fools.

Spent a lifetime running away
until too old & need a rest.
Just when you make a clean break,
it sneaks up & kicks you in the nuts.

There are many a fool
thinking they're clever & good,
going every other ways
except the path they should.

Missing pillars & foundations,
this top-heavy pyramid.
Just because the sun's shinning
doesn't mean the ice castle ain't melting.

There are many a fool
thinking they're clever & good,
spending money to feel alright,
prostrating & sucking cocainated asses.

Missing mothers & fathers,
this gut-wrenching family life.
Just because the moon is full
doesn't repent a single April fool.