Do you know yourself now?

What I’m looking for: someone to believe in me.
What I’m afraid of: whoever believes in me.
Do you know yourself now?

Pointedly asking for the what,
never dared to ask the how.
Do you know yourself now?

Chase and it goes away,
let it go & it shows its face.
Do you know yourself now?

Ever planning the end of the game.
when it comes I run away.
Do you know yourself now?

Lay my desires along side my hate.
Blaming the stories made outta clays.
Do you know yourself now?

Chain my despairs at the night’s gate.
When morning comes is the sun really the same?
Do you know yourself now?

Life made sense once upon a time.
Holding onto a feeling to feel alright.
Do you know yourself now?

Every body wants the beef in the stew.
But do you now see the veggies in the soup?
Do you know yourself now?

Drive.

Sometimes all I can do is cry
I don’t know why
the water rises.
Strange lines, the trees say it’s a trap
but so is life.

Can’t seem to understand
or make a difference.
All the forces are indifferent,
who wins who loses. All too apparent.
All a lie.

Hope you can hear me sometimes.
Remember what we used to have.
When I was unconcerned &
everything’s the best.
When we were hand in hand.

Wonder if I was the one escaped
from something familiar & soft
into the bigger wilder world
which you really didn’t prepare me for
but made it worse.

Should I hate you & never look back?
Leave all the sentiment with the 1st pay-check?
When they cheer & welcome you to the pack.
Drown in materials, expensive tastes, short memories & high-rise?
You taught me better than that.

Are you with me then? What’s this all about?
All those years, 50 50, whether lived or died.
The drive that drives me insane & nowhere.
I don’t see any progress. Are you proud?
Or just don’t care.

I don’t feel right.

I don’t miss people.
I don’t find kids cute.
I don’t remember the last time I felt whole.
I only cry when it’s not personal.

I feel much.
I feel nothing.
I’m always tired.
All I do is dreaming.

I don’t want to be here.
Can’t stand missing a thing.
Been plotting to avoid fate.
Tell that to the offspring.

I can make you see.
I’d rather be in your skin.
I want to see it burn.
I do pray for peace.

The more I find,
the more they go missing.
What’s on my back?
Feels like an angry ghost.

The more it stirs
the murkier.
Be still, things shift.
Never ready, just go.