It’s rolling around.
Getting bigger & bigger.
It’s growing wild.
Give it a little breath,
and it comes alive,
with everybody inside,
all along for the ride.
I don’t like the texture.
I don’t like the taste.
It’s not I can’t love.
I can’t afford the glaze.
Do I wait around?
Do I run away?
Something else’s got me.
I might be a nutcase.
It’s something to swallow,
just something to digest.
Fire up the engines.
Are you food or friend?
you’ve come a long way.
Are they easy to contain?
Still shitting saints?
Looking at the world upside down,
the sky’s pressing me into the ground.
Floating in an ocean of colors & sounds,
nothing matters, I’m free as a song.
Sail with me, with earth at the back.
Sail with me, with trees hanging on.
Sail with me, the cars are like magnets.
Sail with me, sail with me, upside down.
I’ve left you behind.
I’m leaving you behind.
Fast pace on this tourists’ trail.
Gotta beat the line to the gift shop.
That pack on your back,
have you had it checked?
The fancy dress shoes you haul,
hefty price-tags attached.
I don’t speak your language,
but I do know your dialect.
Same joys & deathly quiets.
A peek of a human inside.
But you have to keep up.
Can’t drag me down or else.
There’re wolves at the heels
& cliffs all around.
I check the map, eyes on the prize.
you lay back down, thinking it’s a wrap.
How do you keep up, serene as a buddha?
What you’ve been smoking, keeping you so relaxed?
You probably thinking the same:
crazy bitch’s gone insane.
We should go to some place
where you’re dead if you’re late.
I have to let the chaos out
to count them.
They feel familiar,
faces of friends from childhood.
Old, un-named anxiety rising,
a little shame &
am I just now continuing?
Is it too late?
Every evening I say goodbye.
How many times? To the day, then to the night.
Can’t remember even a single one.
A residue of some impression of some sentiment.
It’s time like this I have to escape,
propelled by the resentiment of a lazy satisfaction.
Why do I feel tired just to return?
The trash’s still outside, the same couple just passed by.
If the view’s ocean’s end, or the martian soil,
will I still feel the need to pollute paper with my bile?
I may still pity myself just to see if I’m capable.
A drop in the ocean of inert particles.
It’s not blue, it’s gray & white & colorless.
The oppressiveness is felt through the closed window.
Artificial breeze bellows for the creatures inside,
who are cut off, sequestered, cornered & comfortable.
The summer’s cooking something rotten.
Pop the lid, bear the smell & the sight of the skeletons.
The water rises, the sun bakes, pay no attention.
Don’t worry, be happy, nothing ever really happens.
I try to escape a feeling,
& I know you know it too,
that the world’s at your fingertips
& you can fuck it if you so choose.
But I’m afraid of something,
something up above,
that tells me, “no, no, no,
you are not enough.”
You are not enough.
You are not enough.
So I got outta the way,
to sulk, to reflect,
to find a way to have faith.
I thought it was OK.
Thought it was OK.
Thought it was OK.
But, but, why can’t I breath?
Choices I didn’t make.
Living a life that
I’m watching from the outside.
The world’s at my fingertips.
I’ll fuck it if I so choose.
You can stare or look away.
You can tell me you’re not afraid.
But don’t be late, time won’t wait.
Enough is enough, to read & meditate.
You’ll never know it all.
Greed is your downfall.
You’ll never be loved
like you are now.
I try to be myself but I’m scary and alien,
pretending to be human though I don’t know what that is.
So I live through you, I hope you don’t mind,
to learn about love and compassion, how am I doing?
I try not to do harm, which means I can’t do good either.
It’s a binary path, no-one cares how it’s discovered.
Over-crowded, building fences, maintaining the order.
How’s the view? Let me visualize, become a real hero.
No, not really, never really cared how others see me,
though I want to know how does your life go?
I don’t have one, it’s last night’s wind, today’s sun.
Am I missing someone?
True, true, everyone’s balancing
between enlightenment and insanity.
There’re the over-achievers showing off.
You are not them, don’t kid yourself.
Don’t model yourself.
Be crazy and just act yourself.
Time will tell.
Then hopefully, you will.