To an actor.

Aren’t your exhausted
selling what you haven’t got?
Or just a bit of who you are,
but really no one gives a fuck?
You’re the money-maker,
the signage to the gift-shop.
Or maybe you’re the main attraction
who wonders when the time’s gonna be up.
All the fine details few can afford,
not sure should celebrate you or leave you alone.
Baby, it’s lonely in a crowd.
Every one needs something something, a lot.
How much are you willing to give to please?
Your time, your life, your peace, your god?
For the sake of a polaroid undeveloped?
Someday, somewhere when the lights come on,
will you be there or will it be someone else?

In keeping.

The evening’s one of those,
too good to be true.
One star’s burning bright
like it was once told.
Traffic air, crystal light,
somewhere a clink
of an unseen cup or knife.
Intoxicated by the moment,
forgetting the day’s toil,
all too grateful to be alive,
for nothing but this quiet.

I don’t know if I’ve told you
but I love you so.
And you can’t deny me anymore
but I can’t say I’m yours.
Some candle light,
once or twice on summer nights,
the floating feels & minds
never touching the ground
when you are showing me around.

Have I been patient?
Was I too troublesome?
Gave me one chance,
then 2, then 3,
keeping me guessing what it is about.
Then maybe I’ve always known.
The journey is the reward.

I wish you well.

Don’t interrupt me.

What do I have to do to get your attention?
I’m talking, why don’t you listen?
You can’t afford me to be your assistant.
So don’t interrupt me.

You don’t come from a higher shelf than mine,
so stop pretending you know the value of my time.
I’m talking straight-up business, alright?
So don’t interrupt me.

You don’t get to turn the page in this book,
I’m the one with the ruler & the robe.
Being in control while your life’s a merch.
So don’t interrupt me.

I don’t tell you to drop dead
even after you turn into a talking-head.
Oh, am I beneath your intelligent level?
Is communication all but impossible?

I ain’t your ass-kisser, your affirmation signage,
so shut up and be quiet for a change.
And hear what a grown woman has to say.
No? Nothing to teach you? You’ve seen it all?
Well, fuck off, you don’t get to interrupt me
just because, I’m a woman and talking sense
that is somehow not on your wavelength.
Voluntary deafness, dumbness,
something to conflict about?
Don’t interrupt me when I talk.

I wait for you to finish though.
I try to understand your point.
If you’re not gonna take your top-hat off,
feel free to be miserable all by yourself.

Big men & women who’ve seen it all,
but never learned to respect nor keep eyes open.
Don’t interrupt me because you don’t want to know
the human-being that’s across the room.

I don’t want to live like you.
I don’t want to be around you.
You could be holding the golden ball,
I’d still tell you where you belong.

It’s no use, I make it a big deal.
Don’t interrupt me, or get outta my face.

They.

“They” is not for me,
it’s for them
who only sees a woman
to be impregnated
or just a man
to be domesticated.
“She” & “He” work perfectly
though only momentarily,
then the spirit rises & wanes,
you may know me differently.
But don’t be confused,
it’s me as a whole.
You may be surprised
pleasantly or otherwise.
Which is the big deal
now you need to know,
not everyone’s binary
that fit into your ideals.
“They” is for you.

Assorted Rats.

——-

You have to go the whole way
there’s no stop nor sit & wait.
You won’t see anyone for miles,
only you and your demon lords.

You think it’s going to be an easy win.
There are books and movies with happy ends.
And you brought them for all they were worth,
falling asleep among the heroes & merchandises.

There’s no heaven nor hell to escape
unless you somehow make it to the script,
then you can write & sing HIS praise,
have your face among the saints.

But you know it ain’t true,
life’s a rose,
little bugs & thorns
if you bother to get close.

Or you can say it’s a bitch
like mama who gives you flesh,
never pointing out the obvious,
she doesn’t like it here either.

You have to go the whole way
don’t discount your pains.
They are already afraid
of you, reaching the stars and sky.

———-

I don’t care any more if I’m smart or the opposite.
All the judgements & comparisons are making me sick.
Worse, it made me a terrible human being.
There’s no way to get around it,
if you don’t let your light shine
however it wants, whenever it wants
what’s the point of living?
Just so I can reproduce and
watch the kids making the same mistakes?

Nah, the solution can only start with me.
When you are hurrying me, I will let you know,
there’s no late nor early, I’m right on schedule.
It’s transcendental, woodoo-speak & all natural.
So quit judging everyone cause you have nowhere to go,
holding onto some vague sentiment & all enforcer-mode.
There’s nothing to see here but smokes & mirrors.
If that’s your thing, well, pay for the new channels.
Concentration of wealth because we’ve been told,
“if you buy this, own that, you’d be whole.”

Oceans of plastics and continents of land-fills.
Rapes the earth till his last breath cause we entitled.
Oh, wait, I should have used “her” instead,
will that make you more comfortable?
Righteousness’ virtue as old as tombs and caves.
Women are commodities & children raised by commercials.
As long as the money flows, it’s cancer for gold.
Join in the kill, there’s no second fills.
Be the worst you can, who cares if it’s going downhill.

But there’s a catch, maybe you suspect,
whenever you do something rotten your soul pays the price.
So maybe grow some sense and patience and mind,
everyone gets to a point, to face what’s inside.

—–

I looked into the future
and filled with dread.
Tittering on divorce
cause we just don’t fit.
Maybe it’s God’s plan
or the devils, who cares?
That’s the problem,
everything’s too real
until they turn out fake.
It’s not natural,
it’s subatomic,
multiple universes
collide in the consciousness.
If we turn mystical
there’s no limit.
If it’s all scientific
how do we really know?

——

I’d rather be unknown,
as a free creature who roams.
Each identity finds its home,
only then I can be happy.

Miseries.

All my folks know is miseries
from the cradle to the grave.
All they know is miseries,
that’s where they seem to live.

They hand me down their miseries,
they let it roll and it rolls.
From wide-eyed to pinched heart
no way to count its toll.

All I know is miseries,
and the supposed black hearts and deeds.
All I expect is miseries,
it’s the one thing I can see.

I don’t want no miseries,
one thing ends another can begin.
The fear and longing for miseries
are the reason we are not free.

I don’t see no miseries
maybe you’ve made me blind.
I don’t accept no miseries
not from you or any one.

I don’t create my own miseries,
just having fun giving it a run.
Don’t talk to me about miseries.
It is just one of them.

To Inspiration.

Hello, Inspiration:

This is your unfaithful servant.
It’s not my fault you’d chosen a coward
and won’t stop blasting her with visions.
I’m not responsible for your noises
nor the beauty that I’ve seen
for I’m not the one that’s destroying it
though I’ll admit it’s kinda pretty.

Without you where I’d be?
Pretty sure I’d be more at ease
enjoying the sun & the days without the heartache
that I’d be missing out of anything.
Sometimes I wish I don’t see
the future that can be
or the present that bothers me
and just be OK to be aloof
and write coward songs
and coward poems
thinking out loud but apologize
with every opportunity.
But what is this?
Are you the voice that’s killing me?
Toiling over & over all alone?
To what end so far from home?

This is a coward song
telling you I’m late again.
Can’t help with the hesitations
nor the shaky voice & the shaky hands.
It’s never getting easier
I know that now.
For every drop of water, a world.
And every human being,
her own heaven & hell.

Good night.

There’s much to be done
but it’s time for a rest.
Listen to your body’s demand
and do the thing it likes.
So the inspirations can come at night
and tomorrow you’ll have the energy to act.
You’ll be feeling refreshed,
hopefully rid of those bags.
It used to feel good,
going to bed at night,
reliving the day’s adventures,
I really need to get that feeling back.
Don’t let fear rule the mind,
but give it permission to fly.
It doesn’t matter wherever it may land.
At least we’re bright & clear
with a good night’s bless.
Always more dreams to come
after the morrow’s done.
Paying for its dues
and working for another chance
to feed the mind,
to do some good.
Always easier said than done.
Not running away
but know when to save the strength
for there is a brand new field
that will be growing inside first
which needs time and patience.
Let the intuition be the guide,
stretch like a cat
and go to bed,
but remember,
to bid the day
a “good night”.