In the confines of a camera lens, will you be kind or expose me for what I am? In the confines. Things are so predictable, even the story is foretold. Everyone's so special. In the confines, in the confines. Whoever I'm gonna meet? Whomever I'm gonna be? Oh, the places I get to see. In the confines. It's 6am & we call it wrap, looking for the next gig just the same. You know we gonna meet again. In the confines. In the confines. In the...
Instead of watching actors I watch chimps & birds. Instead of arousing some humanity that I don't have, I take notes on animal channel. "It's not a natural life." someone says & they are lying. At least the animals don't sell fashion lines on the animal channel. Oops, someone got eaten. Lordie, some babies died. No matter how you gasp, you're laughing inside. It's the circle of life. ("That is so.") On the animal channel.
I look for delimitation to freeze the moment for close examination of the quantum fluctuations. It gives me weird vibrations, as if it'd known me before, so I ask it for more, and it gives me the finger. Patience is not something I can afford. Pushed along these narrow streets, in & out of consciousness as the moon sways, and the sun bakes, and the dance keeps go round & round. I've been silly before, I will strive even more. There's no reason, only time. There's no rhyme, save mine.
We make that face, we twitch our legs, but is sex an honest expression? Some say it’s the nature’s way, Someone had to teach the kids the lesson, but is sexual intercourse an honest expression? They pick the brightest, or the shyest. They say, “Hush, hush, don’t fear my penis.” At the end of the day, they turn away & say, “Next!” So, is sex really an honest expression? I have to say, I’m somewhat jealous. “What do you mean”, you ask, “Jealous of the raped?” Well, yeh, look at where they are now, also rich & famous, live in the palaces. Maybe that’s how society function? No? It’s not the way to treat kids? Why don’t we ask the honest gents?
I keep tripping myself. There's a chasm that's my wound. How it got there, I forgot. Hitting that record button to find some clues, to remind myself. It cuts me in the middle. Livers, lungs, brains, hearts all fell out. Then there are two people instead of one. They're somewhere else. I try & try to beckon them: incentives, illusions. Impossible task. What if I'm more scared than they are? How can they come home when I'm not strong enough?
Not having to decide or hear any noise. Wouldn't it be nice to lose weight just like that, don't have to sit back or look at another face. Wouldn't it be nice. Don't have to write another word, or think of another excuse. Wouldn't it be nice to have no one to worry about or any one to worry of. Wouldn't it be nice. Not having to drain another life, or drink another Kool-Aid. Wouldn't it be nice to just sleep & see no stars, don't have to endure the glares of another desert or the injuries of another just dessert. Wouldn't it be nice to just say nothing at all, don't have to deal at all. Wouldn't it be nice.
The brain of a melon, ass of a truck, so what so what there's no magic carpet ride. So what so what so what. I forgot the words while brushing my teeth so what so what so what. It's all a dream, no fairness, just sirens, so what so what so what. When the light is dimming, the beer is spilling, mama's crying, baby's begging, so what so what so what. Scan the room for things to take throw away in the next garbage bin. So what so what so what. Can't get outta bed till coffee's in mind so what so what so what. The words & rhythms all in my head they rebel cause I lazy get them wrong so what so what so what. There's a virgin land with virgin lads to fuck & to have, God must've said: so what so what so what.
All I ever wanted to do is to keep up with this thing. I never know where it will turn. One moment, it's despair, the next, sunbeams. Never satisfied with good living. So, we are stuck together. When it's happy, I feel bad. When it's sad, I gain insight. All I ever wanted to do is to keep up with this you. So arrogant & full of pride, yet manage to keep the light. When they say "bow", you say "fight". Swimming in the moment, except when you cry. Maybe none of it's good, nor any of this bad. All I ever can do is keeping up with this life.
I feel privileged to have a window to the open sky where the clouds part there's the space above, and between the silver linings, a light that sometimes gentle sometimes scorches. Everything changes down below, and yet there's lost signal. What can contribute to the shadows & echos? Are we not a part of the whole? The same air past our nostrils? Through the earth we come & go? What is life when it's gentle & beautiful?
Had one of those afternoon sleep that dreams are made out of. Can't stop the brain from floating into the soft wind & warm sunbeams where I grinded into something hard while the body is held immobile. Then the whole body disappeared into something that's opposite of pain. The eyes won't open. The breath not felt. Still I hear the world's turning with joyance creatures all about. When it's time to come back I forgot how to say hi. Feel like it's the first time that I have used my eyes. The sun's burning bright, the clouds' shades' just right. I have to ask myself again, & again, "Where have I been? Where am I?"