Life is a flash. First it blinds you with brilliance then it spellbinds with "beauty". Just when you learn to appreciate it starts to fade with lingering pain. Finally the light burns out & you won't know anything at all.
Lament.
I'm not gonna make it, yo. I'm not gonna make it. Time is leaving me behind and I really really hate it. It's all my fault. I'm weak & faithless. Not brave nor wise. The beast had me for toothpicks. I'm tired & there's no path. More than ever I need to jump. It's live free or die, there's no other life. I'm sorry. I've been blind. (I'm scared. I'm scared. Am I insane or just stupid? I'm in the wrong body with wrong mind like an alien entity.)
Mine.
Mom & dad say, "Why bother, a daughter belongs to someone else." They were right. I am mine.
Mourn.
I've always been in mourning, wasn't sure for what. I mourned the end since the beginning. What a joke. Blamed everyone. It's my sentiment: turning away from life as a coward.
Thankful.
I'm a woman of subtle grievance. It doesn't hurt my body none but the spirit is dragging. "Why me?" I ask, "to see all the shits?" And be unhappy like I'm the one and only. Well, well, maybe the reason's obvious but the courage is lacking or it's the little things like timing. Someday I may decide there are memories worth having, and pain & joy are one and the same.
Organic people.
I don't get organic people. Don't they have to fight to be left alone? They blend in like soil to the rich, stinky mystery of life. Do they not question that? Is there nothing amiss? Why am I always the dissonance, a rip in the sanctity of the goddamn peace and quiet.
In hell.
If hell is the absence of love that's where I grew up. Just to make it interesting I'm afraid of everywhere else. Maybe that's why "life" is addictive there's space to hide & run. If you squint, smirk & spit enough it almost feels like heaven.
Black sun.
In my mind, I'm a rich white man cruising around not giving a damn. In my mind, in my mind. In my spirit, I'm an old witch burning fat candles for kins' woes. In my spirit, in my spirit. In my soul, I'm a lost child nothing to look for & nowhere to go. In my soul, in my soul. In my eyes, the black sun burns bright I know I can't fight, I look to you instead. In my eyes, in my eyes.
Little worm.
The worm in me like fragile broken things- ruins that are permanent with death where everything happened & done with. The little worm whispers & squirms. A seed conceived by despair & lust- in bed with red mist of mosquitos spreading decay of doubt & fear, eating away at the core. Happy little worm.
A hug and a wink.
Time doesn't wait, all I can go by is a hug & a wink. Minds don't change. Last night's fragrance whispers a hug & a wink. We say goodbyes. The weather outside gifts a hug & a wink.
hotsurf_ 