Category: random feels

Puzzle box.

I didn’t know I have to defuse my emotions.
I thought they were just like soldiers, they come and go.
Now I’m facing all these puzzle boxes,
I have to be prepared in a certain way,
wait for the right shade, on my tiptoes.
Will it be a treasure or a bomb, whoever can know?
Maybe that’s why Buddhas have their eyes closed?
They’re looking inside not outside, but what do they find?
There are no puzzles? That can’t be right.
Those that are enlightened, do they just forget?
Leave everything behind cause they don’t wanna deal with life?
I can understand that, I dreamt of running away too.
I’d rather be eating tofu and rice then dealing with the blood on my hand.
These puzzles though, they make my hands shake, they make my vibe weak.
I just don’t know, how far this thing goes?
If it will still be here when I’m old?
Is it life’s mission to push forward and feel?
Is it a chance? A curse? A blessing? A gamble?
Like in the movies, someone writes the scripts, someone gets to play,
someone gets to watch and dream, someone can’t afford the tickets.
I don’t know, I don’t know. One by one I unpack the crumbling boxes,
examine them, break them part, put them together, hoping to build a home.

A game.

Please don’t look at me.
Please don’t think of me.
Please forget who this is.
Don’t you see? There’s nothing to me.
Why can’t you see it?
You already known this.
You’ve seen my body,
you have peeked at my soul.
There’s nothing of value,
nothing like what you’d hoped.
Just a bag of blood and bones.
If you care still, a bit of writhing soul.
There’s nothing here special.
Long time since I’ve been touched by the spiritual.
It’s a hoax, it’s a swindle.
Looks like a lamb, but a jackal.
Count with one hand
the times I’ve been truthful.
Self-conceit is the trick,
self-deceit on the price-tag.
No receipt, no guarantees, no contact info.
Once you see the scheme through
nothing at all worth a second look.
I swear it’s all just a game.
Quick! Run away, don’t hesitate.
Go call the police, don’t think you are safe.
I’m a local treat, they all know my name.
They don’t know my address, I move around.
That reminds me, the next mark is in town.
Don’t come back till you have something to sale.
After all, this is a game that’s zero-sum.

What not why.

Where love should be
all I feel is sadness.
Don’t know what’s wrong.
Mother did say life is suffering.

I don’t believe her, I mean
if I don’t think deeply,
let’s just count the cheers & grab the beers,
turn sad songs into funny stories.

Depressions hit suddenly.
All makes sense now, only darkly.
Switching out energy for ammunitions.
Shutting down hope for spiritual communications.

You see my eyes, I’m not here, not really.
Thousands miles away & no place to stay.
Thinking on the hurts & things that went wrong.
Present is dead & the future’s sold for a song.

Hope you have a way to deal with this.
Wherever there are lows the high awaits.
Change your mind by looking outside.
You’ve been here long enough, quit being such a weenie.

It cuts, it cuts, it laughs, it sparks.
Only the worst, twisted, so it works better.
Show me the bridge, I want to watch it burn.
You look like a caricature of a total fucking stranger.

What’s the matter with me. I got your apology right here.
Or I will keep it shut so you won’t use it against me later.
You’ve seen this before so guess this is just a comedy turn.
Tomorrow we can play mimes, memes, or just plain stupid.

Hating me, loving this, I swear this is just a period.
Raising it up, putting it down.
Need them fumes for this barely moving trunk.

No refuge.

Got enough to get by.
Don’t wanna stop where it’s almost right.
Can’t find the things I willingly left behind.
Are you still here? Don’t give me that pitying eyes.

What am I missing? Youth & the idiocy that was burning me alive?
The transgressions, the stares, the incomprehensibly oppressed.
One day I found a match, lit a fire, then danced in the moonlight.
Channelling the greatest, the freest of the spirits and of the mad.

When I came back, the chains were broken, no longer could tell me otherwise.
Hush now, hush, hush, we don’t talk about the things that are behind.
What have we been building on if not heaps of feel-good lies?

Time marches on, the drum beats along, our merry little band all drunk.
Care for a refill? What’s your poison? 9-5 or something strong?
Sell the care, sell the grace, all for a couple more days’ hand to mouth.
Don’t know why, but I think I will be fine with no refuge in sight.

Transparent.

A thin screen separating
same ol’ thing inside outside.
The more I try to find myself,
the more I find nothing but air.

What is this thing called me?
Why should I pay it any attention?
I see you, I see me, someone worth understanding.
I see me, I see you, why should I be bothered?

I forget the line, I forget the time,
won’t you remember it with me?
I’ve strayed, I’m delayed,
won’t you walk with me a bit?

Time can tell, money can buy,
same age-old story.
Never will end, suddenly it’s done,
the surge that rushes to where?

More or less.

Wanna be what I wanna be.
It ain’t right, it ain’t hiring,
it ain’t hyped, it ain’t typed.
I can be more but I ain’t.
I wish I can be more or less different.

I’m a powerhouse, confused energy.
Someone please bottle me so I can break free.
Rather be a fly, not a rat,
though wild things have my respect.

Say the word make that last.
You can have what you looking at.
Say I don’t give a shit while pleading to the man,
“Come save me, please don’t leave me behind.”

It’s interesting you have a brain,
yet you can’t decide,
to go forward or go back,
something safe or outta the mind.

No talk, no show, no business card,
rather be a punk than a rock star.
Life’s too short for money and cars.
Give me a sec, teach me what is love?