I try to be myself but I’m scary and alien,
pretending to be human though I don’t know what that is.
So I live through you, I hope you don’t mind,
to learn about love and compassion, how am I doing?

I try not to do harm, which means I can’t do good either.
It’s a binary path, no-one cares how it’s discovered.
Over-crowded, building fences, maintaining the order.
How’s the view? Let me visualize, become a real hero.

No, not really, never really cared how others see me,
though I want to know how does your life go?
I don’t have one, it’s last night’s wind, today’s sun.
Am I missing someone?

True, true, everyone’s balancing
between enlightenment and insanity.
There’re the over-achievers showing off.
You are not them, don’t kid yourself.

Don’t model yourself.
Be crazy and just act yourself.
Time will tell.
Then hopefully, you will.

No wild heart, yo,
I can’t afford.
I’d rather get my teeth pulled,
I got no insurance.

It’s a pay-per-live world,
we’re closing the gate
on what’s real benefit,
40 years a slave.

Sure, they gave you promises
when you’re young & good-looking,
just don’t say what you’re really thinking,
they ain’t listening.

Human nature is the killer app,
joy-button’s broken, that’s OK,
40% off, amazon prime.
Mama didn’t teach me how to refrain.

Ole, ole, let’s see that body.
Oh shit, not a size 6?
Go kill yourself,
you don’t exist.

Your life has but one aim,
to look good, sexy puss.
Here, give me a smooch,
I will buy you a Starbucks.

Eyes wild open & heart wide shut.
Precious commodity, someone giving a fuck.
Super cereal, we have to save our planet!
Can’t do that with all these infightings.

Who gains, who loses?
Maybe we want things to go KABOOM.
Hauling this history of unbearable weight,
now running out of water & space.

Kids shot, women raped.
How to go out, be open & relate?
Can’t tell friendlies from the fake.
To keep it safe, shields in place.

I wish I’m not tired all the time,
so I can behold the vast beauty.
To keep my eyes peeled, ears unclogged,
fingers poised to record whatever comes.

As it is I’m just meat & veins,
they deposit shells on the shores of my perception.
I’m exhausted just to look, much less to feel.
It’s stretching me, my universe.

Where does my light go?

There’s a door.
I can sense it.
I don’t know what’s inside,
maybe it’s me I’m opening.
There could be darkness.
If so I’d be content.
I’d give it a go
to prove a point of pointlessness.

Can’t recall the steps,
so how did I end up here?
Isn’t it all the same?
The twists equal the turns?
Not fair to the guide, but,
all in truth, no faith, not brave,
just energy to disperse,
heavy dose of “get me outta here”.

It must’ve been silent,
then why do I hate the noise?
Can’t pay off the voices
so they just up & left.
Fill myself with
whatever I can grab,
how it comes to be, a piece of you
on what’s left of me.

A door too many,
stepping onto the balcony.
It’s all somber & majestic.
The birds are mocking me,
“you don’t belong here,
the air’s thin, the sun’s gonna kill.”
Where am I supposed to go?
After one door too many?

Silver, jade, emerald,
life is the most valuable.
Light it up to the utmost,
in the dark the secret holds.

Summer evening, cricket choring,
high alert for the mosquitoes.
Bothering the flesh as the eyes roam.
Field of grass just turned gold.

All I feel like is to cry.
Maybe I’m already dead
which is why I can’t draw a breath.
Or have I been running all this time?
Oh why, oh why?
Can’t keep my eyes dry?
Can’t keep my heart alive?
Still needing a place to hide.

Guilt & fear had their fun with me,
as I had my fun with them.
I push away from that shore
to explore,
the ranges, the desert, the glacier,
the transient joys & encounters,
the answers & the sights.
A light-footed traveler.

I want them to see what I see
all that was meant to be
if I can just make myself believe
there’s no such thing as gravity

I want them to hear what I hear
melodies & symphonies just for my ear
if I can just make the voices quiet
that cry out from hunger & fear

I want them to know what I know
then we can do away with war
we can all just chat & share
while the fires are still warm

I want them to dream what I dream
with colors & leaves & waterfalls
secret gardens are open to all
no more suspicions who sells out

I want them to travel where I travel
on the ground in time & cosmos
not a word when we come back
building a world of spiritual delight

I want them to feel what I feel
ladled with self-pity & -hatred
not deserving of love & the lucky breaks
I don’t want to be diminished any more.

I see something’s shadow
and the shadow sees me.
I’m tired & have nothing left to give.
Haven’t I always been like this?

I hear the rustle of the leaves,
I don’t know what it means.
Give me another thousand years
I may know that peace.

My brain’s hurting, being alive.
Don’t know what I’m feeling,
in the depth of the streetlight.
Seems always running, chasing a rest.

You sing it the best, versions of good night.
Since we’re still here, make it a goodbye.
Or just forget, sometimes it comes back, another life,
nothing changes, death blind, drinking in time.

You say the line, I know it sounds right.
It’s a celebration, the guests never left.
Baby, don’t you know? The desperation’s too real?
Give oblivion another time capsule.

I think I might be smart.
I know the big Os of sorts.
Facebook, big G asking me out.
On the shortlist, I must be hot.

A female professional, heads-down workahoe.
Don’t tell me what to do though.
Designed it, implemented it, tested it, you say oh.
What’s that? No raise, no promo?

Skills solid, let me send you the receipts.
Served you right, recruiting me,
asking me where I’d like to live.
Seattle, NY, bay area, wherever you need.

You thought I could just be,
you could guess it on my race,
or maybe it’s just the resume.
You got your process, I have my vaca.

Travel’s tiring, I have 45 minutes
to show you what I got,
plenty others waiting their turns, no rush.
It’s the result that talks.

It’s binary, it’s emotional.
End of day, make it compilable.
Are you machine enough to be one of us?
Come back when your systems have stickers on top.