My mother told me
she never wanted a girl.
My father left for U.S.
when I was twelve-years-old.
He later told me:
if I was a boy
he’d never have left.
I loved my daddy the best.
I didn’t know
how to take that.
I still don’t know
how to take that.
The burden of
being seen
as less
by your own mom and dad.
Take whatever
I can get
thinking that
I don’t deserve.
Numb myself to
face the world,
all too aware of
the cracks in the armor.
Fake the confidence
tell me I’m good enough.
Prepare for the worst
is the way I grew up.
Can it be so long
since I felt safe and sound?
I’d rather be lost
forgetting where I’m from.
Looking to the stars
for signs of hope and wisdom.
Searched everywhere
have to go back within.
Don’t want to apologize.
Thank you for giving me life.
Time to take the leap,
want to see the other side.
hotsurf_ 