Category: random feels

In-accessible.

There was a land made out of rivers & streams,
faires & star dust, sunshine through the leaves.
They froze in place as beautiful as can be,
an oasis that has become inaccessible.
The horrors of cliffs & deserts,
time stretches the distant, distorts the road.
Can't let go of finding things more beautiful,
maybe the next bleak dawn,
maybe the next broken soul.
Will it still be accessible?
Muster the strength as I grow old.
What I had was complete, long time ago.
Maybe the next wreck holds the map
and the strength to stay.
It's been inaccessible.
Not something that can be brought & sold.
Mountains of debts to cover up the guilt.
It's really inaccessible.
No-man's land in the dark, no one knows how far.
Scared of returning, paradise then death.
So inaccessible, pride & dust.

One of us.

I see a squirrel digging into an artificial lawn,
across the road a man thinks I owe him some love.
I'm still looking for a reason to be here,
so I guess I'm really one of us.

I stop my sport watch & its strap breaks.
It gives me high-five cause my heart's working great,
but I know this morning I had too much cake,
so I guess I'm really one of us.

I think on how to get noticed on clubhouse,
it gets harder to hide the resentment of the turnouts.
Layers & layers I open up, still not enough,
so I guess I'm really one of us.

Feeling tired but the videos recorded my smiles,
leaves it to others to decide my worth.
It lets up the pressure of this beautiful dark cloud,
so I guess I'm really one of us.

Road so far.

Mother taught me life's a tight rope,
so I walked it like a pro
to be a slave & keep the dough,
had some laughs, all for show.

Never really learned what love is,
read the books & saw the movies too,
alas it's not a muscle I ever use,
if I did, it must've snapped in two.

Born & raised by fear & resentment,
now it's time to bake the pie.
Told myself to stand down & pull back,
no wonder there's no such person as I.

It's different what's outside & inside,
maybe some day it will be aligned.
Life is not something to keep in hand,
spend it wisely & open it wide.

Bitch self.

My self is a slippery bitch
wants to hide in the mud.
I try to lure it out.
It tells me to go to hell.
So I went and stayed
till it ran out of masks.
I sigh & ask, "What now?"
Self says, "Don't look at me for help."
So I wrangle the bitch out,
make it sit while I draw.
It doesn't like it one bit,
but it's high time to live.
I don't know where we split,
maybe since the first period.
The self no longer fit,
so it went escapist.
Gee, I wonder what we could've been.
Probably happily in oblivion.
But then I'd be bored.
So I guest it worked out best.

Afterdeath.

Woke up this morning with no pain.
A stranger stares back in reflection.
Something in my head says,
"You can have it."

I think I know what that means.
Feeling grounded for once,
Looking at my body, "hmm, not bad."
Maybe, there's life after death.
Maybe I will take my time,
or just switch black with white.
A seed with the magic trick,
with time, and you can have it.

Simple.

Warring with the self gives the moment
with the body & these legs.
They want to get up & live,
but the soul says it's rather tired.

Masturbate while the company's away.
Cry at night at someone's random act.
Simply just more dark with the same light.

Boringly profound while no one's around.
Poison-filled though the blood's still warm.
Do no harm, always too late, too little.
It's not a world that's ever been simple.

Easy.

I got tired easy
when it's sunny outside.
All I sense are chaos,
it keeps blowing my mind.
Many nights that I cry,
do not ask me why,
don't tell me it's just life.
There's chaos in my head
that gets me longing for death.

I got high easy
when it's dark outside.
When it rains & moody,
then I come alive.
The contrasts are dull
like the dreams I forget.
When I ponder the silhouettes,
and everything is quiet.

I got hurt easy,
and there's no way back.
I laughed at your scars,
and you see mine just fine.
This modern life,
how's your ado?
Can't look you in the eyes
unless I have nothing to lose.

I got forgotten easy,
another plastic face.
The Earth wants to claim me,
I feel the time's hold.
Never knew how to fight,
so I just stood still.
Now I know it doesn't matter,
nobody ever grows old.