Category: poem

Poof.

My imagination’s trying to get me killed.
Is this reality or another bouncing castle?
Is this a hand or somebody’s asshole?
Does the light play tricks or is it the shadow?

I see different things at the same time in different places.
Do I dream inside the dream and then miss the exit?
I stare at you for hours on end that’s the least creepy.
History in the family, it’s genetic batshit.

Saner than sane, paranoid, better hand me that search light.
Can’t deny there’s romance in dangerous derangements.
Take you time, plan ahead, bright futures for E-V-E-R-Y-ONE.
Who’s to say who’s who who’s what who’s gonna go cufulagaluu.

Don’t be afraid.

I trace the lines forth and back,
seeing a life from the mind’s eyes.
Getting clearer now this winding sketch,
and how it may go under my own hands.

The ink spills now and then,
smudges the cloth a thousand threads.
Tear it apart again and again,
looking for a perfection until I can’t.

Stained my arms, stained my face,
still something’s out of place.
Won’t stand still, afraid of being overtaken
by a desperation that has no name.

Something inside tells me not to trust
a crazy little thing they call love.
Steadying my hands as I draw the lines,
throw away passion for some peace and quiet.

A hopeless quest, a deranged mind,
bursting with love, don’t know how to express.
“You can come with me now, I know the way.”
Finally a voice says, “Don’t be afraid.”

Else.

Empty streets, full of crowds,
restaurant lines, strangers’ smiles.
Fast history who am I gonna be?
Safest route, not liking where it leads.

Success belongs to everyone,
failures belong to me.
I hoard them like a motherfucker,
so just leave me be.

I revel in them like nothing else,
draw me back to some place else.
Cozy enough with the cold & the trials.
Don’t mind me when I wonder off.

It’s not about myself or the hoops I made.
It’s all about myself, is there anything else?
Part of a disease, part of something to prevail.
Always something else in the middle of this wild.

Puzzle box.

I didn’t know I have to defuse my emotions.
I thought they were just like soldiers, they come and go.
Now I’m facing all these puzzle boxes,
I have to be prepared in a certain way,
wait for the right shade, on my tiptoes.
Will it be a treasure or a bomb, whoever can know?
Maybe that’s why Buddhas have their eyes closed?
They’re looking inside not outside, but what do they find?
There are no puzzles? That can’t be right.
Those that are enlightened, do they just forget?
Leave everything behind cause they don’t wanna deal with life?
I can understand that, I dreamt of running away too.
I’d rather be eating tofu and rice then dealing with the blood on my hand.
These puzzles though, they make my hands shake, they make my vibe weak.
I just don’t know, how far this thing goes?
If it will still be here when I’m old?
Is it life’s mission to push forward and feel?
Is it a chance? A curse? A blessing? A gamble?
Like in the movies, someone writes the scripts, someone gets to play,
someone gets to watch and dream, someone can’t afford the tickets.
I don’t know, I don’t know. One by one I unpack the crumbling boxes,
examine them, break them part, put them together, hoping to build a home.

I went to Jared.

He’s gay and he loves Jared.
It’d be the happiest day,
the happiest day of my life.
I could be a rock star,
I could drive a fast car,
I could do LSD,
I could win an Oscar.
All for this day,
for him to admit-
I’m his lover and not to be ashamed.
He might have a history.
He might have lost his way.
But always a fighter,
he doesn’t know how to quit.
So here I am proud of you,
you think you’re nothing but I know you’re an angel.
So don’t you mind,
what the future holds.
Dynasties come and go,
lovers are eternal.

A game.

Please don’t look at me.
Please don’t think of me.
Please forget who this is.
Don’t you see? There’s nothing to me.
Why can’t you see it?
You already known this.
You’ve seen my body,
you have peeked at my soul.
There’s nothing of value,
nothing like what you’d hoped.
Just a bag of blood and bones.
If you care still, a bit of writhing soul.
There’s nothing here special.
Long time since I’ve been touched by the spiritual.
It’s a hoax, it’s a swindle.
Looks like a lamb, but a jackal.
Count with one hand
the times I’ve been truthful.
Self-conceit is the trick,
self-deceit on the price-tag.
No receipt, no guarantees, no contact info.
Once you see the scheme through
nothing at all worth a second look.
I swear it’s all just a game.
Quick! Run away, don’t hesitate.
Go call the police, don’t think you are safe.
I’m a local treat, they all know my name.
They don’t know my address, I move around.
That reminds me, the next mark is in town.
Don’t come back till you have something to sale.
After all, this is a game that’s zero-sum.

No refuge.

Got enough to get by.
Don’t wanna stop where it’s almost right.
Can’t find the things I willingly left behind.
Are you still here? Don’t give me that pitying eyes.

What am I missing? Youth & the idiocy that was burning me alive?
The transgressions, the stares, the incomprehensibly oppressed.
One day I found a match, lit a fire, then danced in the moonlight.
Channelling the greatest, the freest of the spirits and of the mad.

When I came back, the chains were broken, no longer could tell me otherwise.
Hush now, hush, hush, we don’t talk about the things that are behind.
What have we been building on if not heaps of feel-good lies?

Time marches on, the drum beats along, our merry little band all drunk.
Care for a refill? What’s your poison? 9-5 or something strong?
Sell the care, sell the grace, all for a couple more days’ hand to mouth.
Don’t know why, but I think I will be fine with no refuge in sight.

The severity of life.

You can’t keep the scores or survey the land.
Nothing can help you, not even a mother’s hand.
Past tales drive fear into the heart of the wise.
One in a million, had it made, 20/20 hindsight.

Others perish with a slip of the hand.
Never stood a chance, never seen the light.
“Their own fault”, the judgement’s swift & raw.
It’s only natural to leave losers behind.

Do you have a light? Do you share it right?
Do you wait for the perfect time for it to ignite?
Running out of lanes, running out of time.
Never once should you forget the severity of life.