The hateful voice of my mom. The self-loathing of my dad. A narcissist of a grandpa. The insanity of grandma. Where is the love? My love was not enough. A child of family dysfunctions. I left to find myself again. You're you & me, I, full of wonders & now understand. I will love myself again.
Category: poem
Shattered shore.
A loving gaze is like a warm blanket, one that you can take on long trips. The ones unloved are lost in the cold who must learn to keep the fire within.
Love again.
There's a beast yanking at its chains. I didn't understand what it's saying. "Love again. You must love again." This morning, I suddenly understand. The dead air in my head & the desperation in my so-called life, "Live again, you must begin again. Without love, you were deprived."
Apologies.
If you're a destroyer, destroy. Don't apologize. If you're a lover, fuck shit up. Don't apologize. If you're a mother, live your life, don't apologize. You're doing a thing now, you're doing the thing. The worst thing to do is to apologize for yourself.
Waiting for my mind.
It's worn & haggard, 20 leagues out. Often it cries out, "Wait for me, world, I have an important message." Then it stops. It pauses. It stills. It puzzles. It hums. It chuckles. It get lost.
Dreamer.
You are a dreamer who run away from the selves. Can't stay still, the beast is at your heels. Mazes & traps you built to justify your woes. The past comes due & the truth is always simple.
Music.
Last night searching for death, this morning drinking in life, what changes? The music, the music of trees in the wind.
To be.
The voice in me are telling me different things. The way I act; the way I think; and the moments between: to know is to be God, to live is to be human.
Greens.
The warm weather is pushing out the baby greens in the trees who are still broken-limbed from the last freeze as if they have no memory of the minor catastrophe. The ones survived are tasked to live.
Freedom.
Freedom is a scent that lasts half a second. It's tart and spicy and feels like a jolt of fiery lava beneath the ocean floor. It happened once or twice under crashing pressure, barely registered. But it reminded me something's alive where it matters.
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