I miss that feeling I get when I’m in the middle of the ocean, and the tides and the undercurrents are at odds working together. I get scared and exhausted. I remember that feeling.
Then it’s time to learn what’s wrong with that. Why I can’t just let it go and not worry about the future. Things become predictable, or appear to be so.
Waiting for the bubble to burst. Too scared to do it myself. Who am I to demand and claim? Even myself?
I try difficult things to beat myself down. “See? You can’t succeed. You don’t have what it takes.” Eyes on the prize. Keeping things outside.
Have I grown up? Am I still that child trapped? What should I do?