I didn't mean to but I ate a lotta fiber.
Solved a puzzle that took awhile.
Long sleep, vivid dreams & emotions.
Now the turd is out long & girth-y.
The best kinda natural reward, really.
Silently seduced.
When you're fully alive,
you don't need poems or TV streaming.
You float to the top.
I hope you never come down.
Leave art to the miserable.
What would I do if I love myself.
I would brush my hair gently
instead of hurriedly.
I'd marvel at each strand &
take care not to
break it from the root.
I'd call my parents &
tell them I love them &
there's nothing to forgive.
I'd go out more to dance &
laugh without
feeling lonely, after.
I would care less &
appreciate more.
I would perhaps
return your love &
your touch.
I would do
all the things
you say I
could do.
If I love myself.
In-between.
In the cold light of day,
all I can see is fear.
The cockroaches
scuttled away
back into the darkness.
Now their shadow
fill the landscape.
Any attempt
to escape
is thwarted by
a gentle touch,
a warm smile, "
Hey, stay awhile.
There's suffering for
Everyone."
I'm forever torn
between joining
and going
somewhere else.
I.
I feel like I have new eyes
that can see you in new light.
I keep trying to be purified,
not particularly worthy,
Now I realize that's a lie.
I've been pushing you back
by dividing me from I.
On schedule.
I fret the next thing I have to do
as if it's an enemy,
a guard that would
herald me to my prison.
In reality,
they might be dragging me
outta mine.
I resent them anyway.
Thugs.
What's this prison I've built for myself
using shackles at pillow tops?
Emotions as walls thick & tall?
The guards reasonable like old pals?
No visiting hours but party at the top.
For the fun of judging people who shows.
How dare they being carefree with easy smiles.
They need to learn maximum security or else.
Unknown.
The echos in my mind bounce off
different shores of unknown lands
like a sonar that penetrates
without explanation.
I wrap myself in warm clothes
and get comfortable
for that's how a pebble skips
then eases into the pond.
Mental health day.
I wish I learned how to hold on.
Everyone says do what you're told or else.
My heart changes hands, I lose sight
of what's good for me in the important part.
Not in the trade nor family
who persuaded me to let go
for a common good. That's dead & rotten.
I will learn to hold on and tell
the rest of them to deal with it
or fuck off.
Cloud 9.
May you forget what you're afraid of.
As you float to the clouds with
murmuring but nothing more.
When you're afraid you think
too much & you build walls just
for it to crumble because you
want out.
I hope you forget what you're afraid of.
hotsurf_ 