I should sing with my own voice,
not so loud & not so quiet.
There's no question in my song.
I'm just singing what I want.
May the sunshine make it bright.
May the night give it might.
Sing the song, the spirit take flight,
maybe someday you hear my voice.

Freedom is not checking others faces
before uttering the next words.
Freedom is not holding myself in
before letting my presence known.
Freedom is poking where it hurts
and knowing that remedy is at hand.
Freedom is beyond happiness
where messy life is accompanied
by an internal soundtrack that I enjoy.

Had I known myself,
I wouldn't run away to stay close,
others' words wouldn't sway my faith.
If I had known myself.
I wouldn't lie to get ahead
only to find it's my own prison cell.
If I had known myself.
I'd walk with the person I was,
listen to all the hurts,
laugh at the childish games,
pat that person on the back & say,
"I see what you did back there.
I wish I'd known you better.
But hey, we see each other now."

If I feel bad about myself
it's because I want to feel bad myself.
All the mechanics that I set up
so I won't escape this lovely hell.
It's intricate. It amuses me well.
But if I'm gonna die someday,
it's not gonna be in a prison
that I made myself.

I'm trying to activate myself from a slumber
where my mouth is shut and eyes wander.
Flutter about like a leaf with no bother.
I greet you with joy & an emptiness inside.

Give me time, give me space, give me quiet.
There's no goal where I'm alone with wounded pride.
I can see now where it's gone wrong & what I can do right.
If it's up to me, I'd still go the extra mile.

The hateful voice of my mom.
The self-loathing of my dad.
A narcissist of a grandpa.
The insanity of grandma.
Where is the love?
My love was not enough.
A child of family dysfunctions.
I left to find myself again.
You're you & me, I,
full of wonders & now understand.
I will love myself again.

There's a beast yanking at its chains.
I didn't understand what it's saying.
"Love again. You must love again."
This morning, I suddenly understand.
The dead air in my head &
the desperation in my so-called life,
"Live again, you must begin again.
Without love, you were deprived."

If you're a destroyer,
destroy.
Don't apologize.
If you're a lover,
fuck shit up.
Don't apologize.
If you're a mother,
live your life,
don't apologize.
You're doing a thing now,
you're doing the thing.
The worst thing to do
is to apologize for yourself.

You are a dreamer
who run away from the selves.
Can't stay still,
the beast is at your heels.
Mazes & traps you built
to justify your woes.
The past comes due &
the truth is always simple.

The voice in me
are telling me different things.
The way I act;
the way I think;
and the moments between:
to know is to be God,
to live is to be human.