My mind is a garbage dump.
I have to sort through heaps of junk.
Worst place is where the piles bleed.
It takes time, effort and faith.
On a sunny day the space stinks.
In a dark night creatures creep.
Can't tell you how many times I quit.
Wanna just hitch a ride outta the gate.
Something tells me hell & paradise is the same.
Can't pick & choose what's in front of your face.
Maybe under all the things mama told me I ain't,
I will find the peace to tend to this gift.

I'm wary of things that should.
I pause to think what it'd mean first.
Life has lots trap doors.
For you, for me when we're day dreaming.
Play catch up to the assignments that
get us to the next spot.
It's a flash of light, a spark then it's done.
The puzzle, the riddle, the look that disappoints.
Find the true north, the rest is noise.

...get to choose what to suffer for in this life, one at a time.
There's a bleeding heart to stab, the blood, the tell-tale sign.
Maybe you try to escape the miserable fate but it's all the same.
Being alive is a shinny prize that's hard to come by.
Be careful & careless when you choose your pleasure & pain.
It might dawn on you or it might be a mirage in the rain.
Be quick now, before the muse finds what's missing on gods' plate.
Get away before the dreamers who count & think, wake.

There's a dagger in my heart,
shackles on both my arms.
My legs are running fast.
All I see is blood red.

The contorted soul looking for relief.
Don't know how & don't know where.
Too scared to look within,
afraid there's hell fire.

What's important is on the inside.
Know the garden that's neglected.
Build fences instead of walls.
It takes time & wisdom to be organic.

The wind is a coat that I wear.
She holds my hand, makes me aware.
Half moon, mid night, all quiet except
what's there and not there like I.
Search for the light that I lost with fear.
I don't believe my life's worth anything.
Regrets, outbursts, silence, jealousy,
hold on to an evil when he promises things.
It's not a path but a mad dash to shore.
Will I make it? Did you make it? Tell me more.
The things I shy away turn out to be what I need.
What I was afraid of was the inner light
that tells me that I'm loved & I can live.

A mother doesn't weight her baby
for her own future calculations.
In her narrow & deserted mind
that's narcissistic, neurotic & blind.
I put my anchor around you
and you stumps around looking for
a good use for a daughter who's
valued cheap, a burden until
a willing slave. I'm sorry but
you're not a mother. I have
to learn to love somewhere else.
The pot that's cooking in you
has always been poison & tar
and you share it by receipts.
I had to learn to protect myself
against a self-hatred that ran wild.
You're not my mother. I think
there's always someone else. 

Mistaken love from some place dark.
Crave the emotional drug to
bring out the worst in me.
Life can be all about
counting scars and,
drink up youth while it lasts.
But true love will give you
a notebook & a pen
so you start from the beginning
and chronicle the brave adventures
of a one-of-a-kind human.