I keep my eyes on the future. It never arrives, so I wait detached from everything and everyone... I'm afraid.
Category: random feels
Jealousy.
Jealousy's making me behaving cordially: as a way to appreciate your youthful idiocy; a mirror to reflect on my own supremacy- how far I've come & what lays beneath. Yes, it's ego. Can you separate heart from its beats? Of course it can be silenced but that would mean I've made a mistake. It takes all my strength to hold in this silent scream. Yet, you are the one that I pity.
Hungry mushroom.
The ones act normal are the craziest of all. The ones behave erratically are the most raw. The soul of social conscious says, "Shush. Don't wake the mycelium that knows not the spores."
Suffer.
I hoard my sufferings like it's a special property. Suspicious of the ones who try to lighten it. Only the suffering of others grounds me which is why I prefer ruins over happiness.
The hardest thing.
The hardest thing in life is to love, live with love among the chaos, where sirens of fear spread like fire while a voice's saying, "It's almost over." Love is a delusion many can't afford. Life's lessons filled with horrors. There's a gulf between rich & poor. People hide what they desire the most. Love can't be taught but has to be felt. When love is withheld, it's transactional. Life is death for unloved, somber souls. Hope you have someone to kiss it better.
Living heart.
My heart plays game with me, it comes and goes as it please. There's sunshine, there's rain, It longs to stay in the cave. It never grew up is what I believe, choked with blood of self-pity. Brain tries to manage the scene, "Whatever happened!" it exclaims. The beats long to go flat & fly. It whispers tales of the deep. It says life is just a trick distorted image between blinks. There's a game with no name. In our heart we all play. It's there from beginning to end, better hide before it awakes.
Start sailing.
I let go of the shore now I have a canoe. Not sure where it came from. I've always been alone treading water, in warm lagoons, afraid of drowning into the unknown. Have I got a compass? Will this be enough? Doesn't matter. Go see some mermaids.
Know.
I know in death I will be freed. And it will be bitter-sweet like smoke leaving scorched trees. I know in life I owe a debt from all the other lines with a signal to collect.
Ok.
It's OK to love this mess; the pain & disappointments. While the heart keeps a rhythm, there's a future quietly awaits.
Who could that be?
Who could that be? Solid and warm to the touch, as natural as it was, as familiar as a dream? Who maintains these heartbeats? When a message is received, the flesh that withholds the clues that can't be told? Who would that be? An afternoon fantasy? A phantom made out of light sifting through the leaves? Could that be me?
hotsurf_ 