Have you taken a pill that's hard to swallow. It's bitter & hard, and takes time to dissolve? No sugar can chase it down. No water can speed its way. Then it lodges in your gut and there, it is to stay. Maybe I didn't choose what comes my way; didn't have a clue until it gives away. It's not in a hurry. It knows more than I. Time-released wisdom, must you be such a drag?
Category: poem
After the Fourth.
I'm in love with my bed. All the comfort I can bear, from the soft duvet to the firm pillow, especially after a hot bath. I'm in love with hot bath. My body aches for the steamy caress, listen to the facet go, "Drip. Drip.", especially after dinner with mom & dad. I'm stressed dinning with them. Serving the usual nerves & smiles, too afraid to meet themselves, especially since they got a house. I love my parents' house. It's spacious with big back yard, so quiet with everyone inside, all waiting for the fireworks.
Now.
Your fear is your truest friend the one that wants you to live. It will haunt your every thought unless you call it by its name. You don't need an exorcism nor a bloody priest- long as your heart keeps pounding, they will guide you to your dream.
Jealousy.
Jealousy's making me behaving cordially: as a way to appreciate your youthful idiocy; a mirror to reflect on my own supremacy- how far I've come & what lays beneath. Yes, it's ego. Can you separate heart from its beats? Of course it can be silenced but that would mean I've made a mistake. It takes all my strength to hold in this silent scream. Yet, you are the one that I pity.
Hungry mushroom.
The ones act normal are the craziest of all. The ones behave erratically are the most raw. The soul of social conscious says, "Shush. Don't wake the mycelium that knows not the spores."
Suffer.
I hoard my sufferings like it's a special property. Suspicious of the ones who try to lighten it. Only the suffering of others grounds me which is why I prefer ruins over happiness.
The hardest thing.
The hardest thing in life is to love, live with love among the chaos, where sirens of fear spread like fire while a voice's saying, "It's almost over." Love is a delusion many can't afford. Life's lessons filled with horrors. There's a gulf between rich & poor. People hide what they desire the most. Love can't be taught but has to be felt. When love is withheld, it's transactional. Life is death for unloved, somber souls. Hope you have someone to kiss it better.
Living heart.
My heart plays game with me, it comes and goes as it please. There's sunshine, there's rain, It longs to stay in the cave. It never grew up is what I believe, choked with blood of self-pity. Brain tries to manage the scene, "Whatever happened!" it exclaims. The beats long to go flat & fly. It whispers tales of the deep. It says life is just a trick distorted image between blinks. There's a game with no name. In our heart we all play. It's there from beginning to end, better hide before it awakes.
Start sailing.
I let go of the shore now I have a canoe. Not sure where it came from. I've always been alone treading water, in warm lagoons, afraid of drowning into the unknown. Have I got a compass? Will this be enough? Doesn't matter. Go see some mermaids.
Know.
I know in death I will be freed. And it will be bitter-sweet like smoke leaving scorched trees. I know in life I owe a debt from all the other lines with a signal to collect.
hotsurf_ 