In a world that's so cold, you gotta protect your own soul.
Like a bonfire where the wind blows, keeps you warm, needs your fuel.
When you're young you think you have time,
give others your flame cause it ain't worth a damn.
Far away there's the warning that comes too late,
you're lost in the wilderness & the light is dim.
Maps & stars give no warmth & kindness is on loan.
Hope when you are tired of running from fear & shame
the one with your fire is one and the same.
Author: hotsurf
Like to travel, read, play cello etc.
No rest.
Can I sleep now? Have I passed the test?
Dynamic hammering in my head,
I can get no rest.
Drinking coffee, making myself crazy.
The sun's too bright, the colors swimming.
Always something wakes me up early.
Please I get the message, I've been journaling.
Just give me a break, the shower's miles away.
I want some reprieve - This is going great!
Empathy.
There's a devil in me, stay awhile you will see.
It speaks of jealousy & depravity,
wouldn't you like to know it?
I keep it caged & entertained.
It tells me what it thinks.
The thrill of interchangeable pleasure & pain,
never know whether it's me or him.
Do I know anything beyond this charade,
or am I locked in my own dilemma?
It makes me sick & bids me to live,
I'm the devil that says, "Empathy, my pet!"
“Let’s”: Post-It.
Slut.
Grind me down like sausage meat.
Lick me up like BBQ ribs.
Wipe your pants using your hands,
don't spare the sauce when it came.
Heat, smoke, spit, slick.
Certified organic, FDA stamps.
A time to sizzle, a time to slab.
Don't forget to try all the sides.
Sets in fall.
With a blush in the sky
the sun's going to bed.
I'm in love with something
three dimensional & above.
But it doesn't love me back.
I observe, I stalk, I do my best.
Whenever i get close I refuse
because I'm afraid I might offend.
So many "I" in this, so much fear, so many indecisions, not enough substances.
I gather, I pry, I travel, I stretch.
Yet, it's all the same.
We play this game, the mind opens, the heart fades, all contained. All remained.
You still look the same.
Sing.
Someone I want to be.
Someone I want to have.
Someone to be whom I despise.
Someone to anchor me so I don't fly.
Some one to be the God.
Some one to be the Devil.
Someone who fucks me sweet.
Someone who hurt me raw.
Someone who holds me tight.
Someone who tells me lies.
Someone to dig a grave.
Someone to be a slave.
Some one to sing.
Some one to cry.
Someone to lie down & die.
Someone to be alive.
Someone to despair.
Someone to whisper.
Someone to continue.
Someone to annihilate.
Someone to hate.
Some one to hate.
Some one to love.
Someone to grieve.
Some one to grieve.
Sing.
Around.
I locked myself in and threw away the key.
Step by step, getting away from me.
Nobody noticed for that I'm glad.
The map in hand is a tangled web.
Look to the stars, they show me more
than I'd like to know.
Look to the masses, it tells me
I have a certain use.
The glamor & sound chase me around.
I don't think nor feel for quite awhile.
"Hey, honey, it's me at the door.
You never left & the dream is your own.
Won't you spread the seeds you've grown
and come outside for awhile?
Nothing's lost & everyone's always been
around."
Autistic.
I seem to live atop of life instead of in it.
Like a diver who takes the occasional plunge
then comes up for breath.
Beware of high tides, sharks & moonless nights.
It's a habit, an exercise, a strategy to survive.
The lucky few…
...get to choose what to suffer for in this life, one at a time.
There's a bleeding heart to stab, the blood, the tell-tale sign.
Maybe you try to escape the miserable fate but it's all the same.
Being alive is a shinny prize that's hard to come by.
Be careful & careless when you choose your pleasure & pain.
It might dawn on you or it might be a mirage in the rain.
Be quick now, before the muse finds what's missing on gods' plate.
Get away before the dreamers who count & think, wake.
hotsurf_ 